


sorry if it's hard to catch my vibe (so baby, tell me where your love lies)

by botticellis (itomorian)



Series: miss americana & the heartbreak prince (markhyuck) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 127 IS WHIPPED for hyuck, 127 babying the fuck outta hyuck, 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant???, Confused Mark Lee (NCT), Love Language, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Unrequited Love, basically me writing about how much i love hyuck, except this is 4+1, hyuck basking in all the attention, idk i just wanted to write some fucking pining bc i was feeling like shit today, rated t for some language here and there :3, side JohnJae - Freeform, side dowooil(???), side yutae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-14 23:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18062519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itomorian/pseuds/botticellis
Summary: Lee Donghyuck is kisses on cheeks, clinging on arms, and shouted "I love you's". Lee Donghyuck is playing with the hair of the people you love, nuzzling their necks, and listening to them talk when they feel overwhelmed. Lee Donghyuck is open displays of affection, and loud declarations of it.Mark tries, he really does.It's just not the same.Or:The four times that Mark watches Donghyuck love in touches, and the one time that he tries to reciprocate.





	sorry if it's hard to catch my vibe (so baby, tell me where your love lies)

**Author's Note:**

> this was written as i listened to no longer on repeat day and night, while having a really bad episode, my mental health is in fucking shambles these days (hence so much cursing), and nothing good comes out of my bad episodes (which are becoming more and more frequent as the days pass, how lucky of me to start losing it barely a month into the new semester yaaaaaaaaaay) but i hope you like this bc i'm basing hyuck's primary love languages on my own which are: touch and actions.
> 
> TW: Suicide/Suicidal tendencies: I don't know who needs to read this, besides one of my own closest friends who's already looked me in the eye and spat that she doesn't care what happens after she's dead so long as "it all ends", but your life does not suck as much as you think it does. Please, killing yourself is never an option. I'm so sorry that you feel like ending your life is the only way out, and I'm so sorry that you must walk this path alone with no one to hold your hand, but it is not the end of the fucking world or your fucking life. This too shall pass. I say this from experience. Just think about all the people who have even the least strand of care for you. When I'd stared down the bottle of pills in my hand way back when, the only thing I could think of was that my mother would die if i killed myself. I'm grateful to myself for not doing it bc I'm in a much better place now, and have realized that no matter how long it takes... _things do get better_. Please. Please, for once, don't be that selfish. Please. Please, I am begging you, please think about others. The world might not stop revolving if you're not here, but yours won't be the only life that you'd end.

“ _Taeyong hyung_ ,” Mark looks at the source of the soft whine, eyes coming to land on his best friend Donghyuck, who is currently spread eagle on the couch in the living area of the 127 dorm.

The younger boy is making grabby hand gestures at their leader, good leg hanging over the backrest, and the leg with the doodled-on cast resting on the couch, while an adorable pout sits on his lips. (At least Mark finds it adorable.)

“Duckie, hyung's cooking right now,” Taeyong calls out from the kitchen, “I’ll come to you later.”

Mark watches as a frown curves Donghyuck's lips in the opposite direction to what he loves on his best friend. He is half tempted to just go and wrap around the younger like the latter's own personal blanket just so he would smile again, but the reason(s) he does not do that is because, one) he is Mark Lee, who finds himself unable to show affection physically, and two) because of the rising conflict inside his heart.

This _conflict inside his heart_ only worsens as Mark sees Yuta walk in from his room to the couch where Donghyuck is lying, and settle into the empty space by the youngest's head. Donghyuck immediately shifts himself to sit in Yuta's lap once the elder is comfortable, and Yuta shoots a curious glance towards the lapful of a keening, pouty boy, who only buries his face in the older man's neck.

“Donghyuckie,” Yuta starts with a curious tone, “not that I mind this cuddling, but are you feeling okay sitting in this position?” He asks.

The only reply he gets from the younger boy is a barely audible humming noise.

Yuta, defeated already, chuckles fondly before he wraps his arms around the boy, bringing him closer to himself and Donghyuck purrs in contentment before nuzzling even closer.

Mark watches this scene unfold from where he is seated on the loveseat with his lyric notebook in his hands, pen swaying between his pointer and middle finger, and an uncomfortable sensation bubbles in the pit of his stomach.

“Hyung,” Donghyuck whines again, face buried in Yuta's neck, and Yuta frowns in confusion.

“Duckie?” He enquires, running his fingers through the boy's hair and mussing it up.

Mark feels like someone has punched him in the gut when Donghyuck, instead of saying anything in answer to Yuta's worries, just pulls away from the older man's neck, looks at him for two seconds too long, and then presses a soft kiss to his jaw.

Yuta, on receiving such a sudden kiss, looks at Donghyuck with an amused glint in his eyes, though he only shakes his head in fond exasperation at the youngest's puppy face.

“What does my little puppy want, hm?” Yuta, soft, soft Yuta, obliges his dongsaeng's whims and baby-talks him, his big shiny eyes staring into Donghyuck's own soft puppy eyes.

Mark notices that all the while that he has been staring (like a creep) at his best friend and his hyung, he's been doodling into his notebook instead of actually jotting down any lyrics that might come to him. Though he cannot weave any words right now, especially not with the way this awful sinking feeling is taking over his chest and his head.

Mark feels as if he's been punched in the chest, again, when Donghyuck puckers his lips at Yuta's soft gaze, and Yuta just up and kisses the cute little tip of Donghyuck's nose.

The smile that makes its way onto Donghyuck's lips is a sight to behold, and Mark finds himself unable to look away. Though he also finds that the uncomfortable sensation in his chest has turned into a strong burning feeling.

 

 

 _It's just fucking acidity,_ he tells himself.

*

Lord, the universe is not on his side these days.

Or so Mark thinks, as he is subjected to the sight in front of him as of this moment.

It's one of those free evenings that they rarely get anymore, and that is spent usually resting, with the boys watching movies together, or maybe doing some other group bonding activities as Johnny likes to call them.

Right now, for example, it's group bonding time. And therefore everyone is gathered around in a some sort of a deformed circle _(though still functional)_ and watching Donghyuck, Doyoung, Taeil, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo perform an acoustic version of their song ‘No Longer,’ with nothing but love in their eyes.

It's beautiful to listen to, the way all of the vocalists’ voices blend and contrast, how much emotion and hard work that is poured into it, and Mark cannot even begin to describe how much he loves his best friend's voice.

The boy who outshines the sun has such a beautiful, gorgeous voice, and he sings with so much passion, and so much love, and he truly deserves all the good that the universe has to offer and then some and _Mark just loves him so much._

Which brings Mark to the current situation at hand. The ugly burning feeling in his chest and his gut is back again, with a vengeance this time, as all he can see is Taeil in Donghyuck's lap.

Taeil, the oldest hyung, though one of the most precious humans around, sitting in Donghyuck's lap. And not just sitting in Donghyuck's lap, but also being cuddled and coddled by the youngest.

Mark faintly registers Donghyuck singing Mark's favourite part of the song through the green veil of envy shrouding him, and that is the only sound that he keeps hearing in his mind even after the song is finished and he is clapping for the vocalists with everyone else.

Something below his sternum hurts, it's a pain that leaves him breathless, and Mark has to actually bite his lip to keep himself in check.

The ache in his chest teeters towards heartbreak as he watches Donghyuck press kiss after kiss on Taeil's nape, while the oldest only laughs it off, nuzzling backwards into the youngest.

They're talking about something Mark can neither hear nor guess as to what it may be, and as happy as it should make him, seeing his bandmates be so comfortable in their casual intimacy, it only makes his insides burn with something horrible.

 _Something horrible_ that makes him want to pull Donghyuck away from Taeil and keep him in his arms. That makes him want to shake Donghyuck by his shoulders and scream at him, ask him why he doesn't touch him anymore when his first love language is physical touch.

But he is Mark Lee. And Mark Lee does not have enough guts to actually ask Donghyuck any of this. Because asking would mean answers, and then questions from Donghyuck.

What will he do if Donghyuck asks him why is so perturbed by Donghyuck not touching him anymore when that's seemingly all he's ever wanted from his life?

Tell him that he likes him? No scratch that– tell him that _“actually Hyuckie I'm a lot in love with you and I don't know what to do about it?”_

 

 

So, feelings suck. And so does Mark. And Donghyuck too.

*

It's happening again.

 _The universe sure does love testing me, huh,_ Mark thinks to himself, while he sits at the dining area watching another episode of the group's ‘Let's all mollycoddle Hyuck together!’

His best friend is sat on Johnny's lap and being fed by Doyoung and Taeil sitting on either sides of them. Donghyuck has a big, happy smile on his face as his hyungs feed him, and he looks so happy snuggling back against Johnny. It makes Mark happy, but at the same time he wishes he could be a part of what makes his Hyuck smile like that.

Once they're finished eating, Jungwoo and Taeil take the utensils to the kitchen to wash them, and Hyuck stares at the rest of his hyungs with his glistening puppy eyes while asking them to watch a movie together once the other two are back, and it does not look like it's working until Taeyong gives in. Donghyuck whoops in joy and plants a noisy smooch on their leader's cheek, and Taeyong smiles at him lovingly.

“What was I supposed to do, say no?” He says when the rest of his teammates look at him in amusement, because he does not usually give in to them staying up late _(though they all know he does so only for their well-being)._

On the couch Donghyuck lies with his head in Taeyong's lap and his feet resting on Johnny's thighs. The position does not look comfortable in the least, but Donghyuck looks content so no one has the heart to tell him to adjust. Taeyong pets his head gently, while his own head rests on Yuta's shoulder, eyes trained on the screen in front.

Mark himself is seated on the floor by Johnny's feet, his head level with Donghyuck's chest on the couch. He looks to his right and sees Doyoung, Taeil, and Jungwoo all cuddled up to each other with a blanket from one of their rooms. Mark's heart swells with affection when he sees the three boyfriends all close together, and it makes him so hopeful.

So hopeful that maybe one day will come that he will be able to properly tell Donghyuck of how he feels for the boy, give him a confession he deserves, and maybe they will get together too.

And so Mark cannot bring himself to focus on what movie is playing, to him it is all white noise, because Donghyuck's fingers are in his hair, the younger's nails are softly scratching his scalp, and God _Mark could get used to this._ Mark could get so used to this, Donghyuck's fingers running through his hair, and so many more things he wishes he could have with the other boy.

He does not know when he falls asleep, but he wakes up to soft whispering. It sounds like Johnny and Jaehyun, and Mark pretends to be asleep because it is most probably something private that they're talking about, hence the low voices. And he is immensely grateful that the room is dark because he blushes when he hears a soft kiss noise, followed by Jaehyun telling Johnny to go to sleep, and how much he loves him. It is so sweet, so intimate, and so romantic, Mark is feeling practically guilty and as if he's intruding.

He gulps as quietly as he can.

 

 

Donghyuck's fingers haven't stopped in his hair.

*

Taeyong is in the kitchen (as is usual, he is almost a gourmet chef already), cooking something for the dorm with Donghyuck plastered to his back like an octopus.

His movement is restricted by the younger boy's full body embrace but the eldest seemingly does not mind it a bit, as he casually continues on his cooking like there isn't a fully grown eighteen-year-old stuck to his back like glue.

“Taeyong hyung,” The elder's name on Donghyuck's lips is a whine, again. An adorable, adorable whine that has even Mark going soft and he is _nowhere_ even near them.

“Yes,” Taeyong draws out cutely, “what does my Golden Boy want?” He asks as he stirs whatever it is that's in the pan, Donghyuck's arms wrapped securely around his waist, and chin perched on his shoulder.

“Will you gimme anything I ask for?” Donghyuck asks him in a baby voice, and Mark can _see_ Taeyong melt.

“What am I supposed to do, say no?” Taeyong asks back with a giggle and Donghyuck grins wide, knowing just how tight he has everyone wrapped around his pinky.

“Hyuckie wants kisses, lots and lots of kisses.” Donghyuck baby-talks again, and Taeyong chuckles while shaking his head.

“Okay baby, whatever you want, you’ll get.” Taeyong tells Donghyuck, a pretty smile curving his lips, and Donghyuck gives a responding kiss to Taeyong's bare shoulder.

“Hyung,” Donghyuck mumbles, and Mark turns around so that he does not feel like he's intruding _(this is happening to him a lot lately isn't it?),_ but their voices he can still hear, though he pretends like he's too tired to pay attention to anything.

“Yes baby?” Taeyong asks back, and Mark hears him cover the pan, meaning that he is probably done with cooking.

“Nothing,” Donghyuck whispers.

And then he hears him giggling, followed by lots of kiss sounds.

Mark has half a heart to turn around to see what is going on, but he does not do that for the sole reason that he won't honestly like what he might end up seeing.

 

 

Why must Donghyuck be able to be so open with his affection, unlike Mark himself?

*

Donghyuck knows.

_He has to._

Mark _knows_ he does.

There is no way that Donghyuck does not know how Mark feels for him.

Mark may have an Emotional Quotient of negative three, but he isn't dumb enough to not see the way Hyuck looks at him. Mark knows that look because he looks at Donghyuck the same.

The concert is about to begin, and everyone is standing backstage after the pre-performance cheer, just waiting for the start.

There's still two minutes left or so the staff member tells them, and the Mark sees all the guys around him have a moment with their significant others.

Johnny and Jaehyun are standing side by side, hands clasped. Doyoung, Jungwoo, and Taeil are huddled together with Doyoung in the middle and the other two wrapped around him from each side, faces buried in Doyoung's shouder.

Mark averts his eyes when they land on Taeyong and Yuta, because not only have those two been together and so in love since their rookie days, but also because Mark sees Yuta give Taeyong a prolonged kiss to his forehead, and it makes Mark's heart flip.

Donghyuck is standing right by his side, and the youngest's fingers are burning him where they're brushing against Mark's own, _and_ Mark's brain is short-circuiting where he stands, and before he can think any more of it he intertwines his fingers with Donghyuck's.

Donghyuck shoots him a curious look, and Mark just shakes his head in reply, a little smile on his lips. He strokes the top of his Hyuck's hand with his thumb hoping to convey his feelings just through that simple touch, but he thinks he's failing.

Until Hyuck squeezes his hand right back and smiles _his_ smile — the sunny, radiant, and gorgeous smile, and Mark knows he doesn't need to express it through words. _(Though he will do that too, someday.)_

Because Donghyuck _knows_.

 _He always knows_.

How could he not?

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> wakey wakey had a lotta potential.  
> electric chair for every single person involved in johnny wearing that awful wig+cap.  
> limitless and chain reign supreme for me.  
> thank u, next
> 
> hope u liked this piece of shit, pls leave me a kudos and/or a comment if u did uwu :3  
> ur loved important and gorgeous  
> i love u  
> \- sara <3
> 
> p.s. uhhhhh this is all unbeta-ed :')
> 
> my [twt](https://twitter.com/glitteryongs) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/glitteryongs) in case u wanna scream @ or w me abt smth. 💌


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